Misery and Mirth

A5 Birthday, SAD & Shopping.

Nothing too exciting been going on in the last 2 weeks. On Sunday October 8th I went with the family to go visit Alica, my youngest sibling and celebrate her 27th birthday. I got her a gift bag of assorted presents; a shirt,candles, body butter, costume jewelry, fancy candies, a little makeup case containing eye shadow and flavored lip glosses and a book she wanted. After the Pitbull/Dalmatian mix puppy had mauled over the guests, she was put away in here kennel, we had ice cream cake, Alica opened presents and we all chatted a bit. Normally I don’t mind a rambunctious puppy. I have been known to get on the floor and play with them but I was reminded of how fragile I can be, when she jumped up on the couch and gave me a play bite and it left a huge nasty bruise on my arm.

I spent that Tuesday 9th and Wednesday 10th with Rob. We did some shopping. I bought an inexpensive wig ($6), glow in dark nail polish ($2) and witch hat (clearance $2) for a Halloween costume. I also started to pick up some gifts for Christmas. Wednesday night we hung out at Melissa place.
I know Rob was disappointed that I have been feeling much more achy and depressed recently which is causing me to not be as “sexually ambitious” as I had been. I don’t know if it’s the depression or a medicine or what but it just doesn’t feel the same; it doesn’t feel as good and takes forever for me to get “in the mood”.

My depression could be caused by a combination of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) , made worse by having a basement bedroom with no real sunlight and just feeling somewhat hopeless and disgusting because of my immense weight and never-ending health problems.
All these doctors and there medicines have me “stable” but I’m not really improving. I still have all the pain, muscles weakness, some of the neurological problems too. I am the fattest I’ve ever been in my life. So morbidly obese that some doctor scales can’t even weigh me. Don’t get me started on trying to find nice cloths and how some people treat me, like I am not even human.
The initial 10 lbs I lost while on the Metformin medicine was back as fast as it came off. Which means it was not true fat weight loss but just water loss. The Metformin isn’t causing diarrhea anymore, but I still have mild nausea on and off all day and it makes me sleepy and fall asleep too much. I feel like I am sleeping my life away and don’t get anything done.(like sewing together that dress I cut months ago) This makes me feel even more guilty and full of self loathing because I know if I was more active then I’d have a better chance of weight loss. Which in turn causes me to try and over compensate by overexerting myself and end up injuring myself and being in severe pain and laid out for a few days? But I got the basement a lot more organized and cleaner.

Well on with the review of the last few weeks.
Saturday 14th Amber called from North Carolina. Paul had gotten access to a computer and had talked to her through messenger. Amber was very stressed and upset because Paul told her they were getting a lot of heavy fire in there area and his bunk mate got shot but was ok, he was saved by his bullet proof vest. Aaron is very stressed out too. Amber said he will not go to sleep unless he is holding on to her and he has been acting very timid and fearful of new things. A new home far away from rest of family he grew up with, his daddy gone again that’s a lot for a 3yr old to deal with.

Later Saturday eve I did volunteer work with mom. She and her friend, Patricia (Pat) work the tickets reservation desk for the Ann Arbor Symphony in exchange for free tickets to the performance. Pat is on vacation so my mother enlisted me to fill her place. Saturday’s performance was a cello concerto and was great music… to relax or sleep to. We left 2/3 of the way through; neither on of us was very thrilled with the performance. Mom was feeling under the weather from a sinus cold and neither of us had eaten dinner so I was getting a headache from low blood sugar. We went to a little Greek Coney island near by. I had spinach pie and stuffed grape leaves and was surprised at how tasty they were.

Monday night October 16th till Thursday morning I will go visit Rob. His car is out of commission again. It’s a piece o’ $#@!

Oh and I’m learning how to use the blog tools better, if you didn’t notice you can go to mayoclinic page on Seasonal Affective Disorder by just clicking the words in the above paragragh. I didn’t know how to do that before and was just listing the links.