June
So what’s been happening this June?
June 1st was my sister, Amber 32 birthday, I sent her some gifts and card with lil money.
But she was rather depressed not having anyone to really celebrate with, isolated in rat hole of military base in N. Carolina.
On the 7th I totally spaced out and missed a doctor’s appointment. I was to see Dr. Nemeth who is my internist and my primary care physician. So I had to reschedule that and owe $35 no show fee 
:O(
The Lasix diuretic my neurologist put me on is ... unpleasant, no mater how I rearrange my other medicines, supplements and meals, I still have side effects. Next month I have to endure another lumbar puncture to find out if the Lasix is even working on reducing the pressure on my brain. 
But My health has improved a little bit with the pancreatic enzymes, I’m having more regular bowel movements and have lost a little weight, 4lbs in the last 4 weeks. 
My Neurologist, Gastroenterologist, and Pulmonologist are very adamant and insistent that I have a bariatic procedure. My Primary doctor, hematologist & rheumatologist are a little more hesitant but will support me.
My Neuro would prefer I get total gastric bypass, but I am not keen on having my stomach cut up and 10+/- feet of intestine removed and rerouted, especially when I already have absorption and digestive problems. I want a LapBand procedure.
I’ve been trying to find out if there is a surgeon/clinic in Michigan that will accept my insurance and perform a LapBand procedure on me. Barix Clinic denied me and I’m looking into the U of M Bariatric program but it doesn’t appear promising.
I found a website today obesityhelp with resources and support for obese individuals. It’s a place to learn what you need to know about Gastric Bypass, LAP-BAND and non-surgical weight loss solutions so you can make the health decisions that are right for you and a support network to share your experiences and resources with others, and get the answers to your questions by communicating with other members.
Maybe someone on there can give me a referral to a surgeon or hospital?
In other news
I’ve not had a period in like 4 + months but still going through hormonal fluctuations every 6 weeks and having severe depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness, self aggression, loss of energy, bloat, breast tenderness, increase pain, Intense food cravings, increase appetite…
I think not having actual full and complete menstrual cycle is causing me to have PMDD.
Beginning of Last week I was all excited organizing info on dresses, reception sites, flowers etc., reading wedding planner book and joyously thinking about my future and my wedding.
This week I just feel like staying in bed and/or avoiding people. I feel hopelessly depressed and have suicidal thoughts. I cry or get angry to point of wanting to break or cut something over stupid nothings.(Thats why I hide cuz don’t want my family to see me this way) I have masochistic, self mutilating thoughts often during these times and I have hurt myself in the past but currently I am using SI coping methods and pretty much controlling my self injuring behavior. I keep craving “bad” foods and feel unsatisfied with normal adequate portions even appetite suppressants are not working. It’s extremely difficult dealing with this cyclic hormonal induced assault along with all my other medical/financial problems. Even knowing its coming doesn’t help because there nothing I know to do to allevaite all the symptoms. It’s hard on Rob too because he wants to “fix” me and make me feel better.
It would be fabulous if the Endocrinologist I see next month could put a stop to this. 
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